I've moved!!

Hello Friends!! Just wanted to tell you I have moved! I am now blogging here!! Please come and visit! Follow me...you know all that good stuff!!

Thanks a bunch, Alisha

Scrooge NO more

It has been beyond hard for me to get in the Christmas Spirit this year. I actually haven't even tried. We baked with all the girls in the family {yeah, those cookies are already gone.} The boys went on their annual tree farm adventure. We actually had an amazing time with family that we are truly thankful for. We have a tree in our living room, in our other {newly remodeled, beautiful apartment that we are gonna move into asap} apartment down the hall. In a big ice cream bucket of water, leaning against the wall. All of our ornaments, stockings, and anything Christmas is an hour away drive. So here I am. Refusing to turn on Christmas music. How can you get in the spirit if you do not have anything Christmas-y? I mean lets be honest here, I don't have anything. Monetary or material, that is. We are still unemployed. We are living by the grace of God. We don't receive unemployment, we don't receive cash assistance. All we have is given to us, at this time. We do have a storage unit full of all our beloved material possessions, but again...it is an hour away.

Why am I sharing this? Not for anyone to feel sorry for us. Not for people to judge us. But for the ones who are in this boat. The ones, who feel like they don't have anything to celebrate, or be thankful for. The one who needs to know they are not alone. For the one who feels like they can't do this yet another year. 

Tonight I took Av to wrestling practice and the twins came along for the ride. They were SO into the Christmas lights on this drive, it was so fun. I couldn't stop smiling. And it was so awesome to see Av seeing it from their eyes. He wanted me to go down a street, FOR THEM, and I did. I didn't say, maybe next time. And I was happy to go down that street, it was a good one!! I turned on the CHRISTmas music. It was a sensational little outing. And I now have the Spirit. 

There are things to celebrate. Whether they have to do with Christmas or not. But while I am talking about Christmas, there is definitely something to celebrate. Our Savior's BIRTH!!

For me, I can celebrate that we will be moving in our remodeled apartment soon {saturday.} Which means we may be going to get some of our stuff from storage {saturday.} We are so thankful.

I can celebrate the heart of my daughters, who have a heat for others. Mia came home the other day, and gives me a paper with a list of a family who is in need. She said, "Mom, I know we are in need, but this family is worse off than us. I signed us up to get this little boy something. It can be little, I am sharing him with my friend AND the stuff can be used." When Ari found out, she immediately chastised Mia, because we can't do anything for others.....JUST to tell me w/in minutes, I mean seriously with in minutes, that she signed up to make a cake for a cake walk, at the FOOD BOWL to help raise money and food for those in need. The cake was made, we got the little guy a lil something. And I know that God will bless my daughters for their willingness to give. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about how awesome they are.

I can be grateful for our health.

I can celebrate that Jesus is the reason for the season, and although I want to give my kids presents, the best thing I can give them is HIM.

I can celebrate and be thankful for so many things....if I choose to.

So what am I gonna do with the new found CHRISTmas spirit? I am gonna make snowflakes with the kiddos and cinnamon ornaments. We are gonna pray for that family. We are gonna put on Christmas music. Watch a Christmas movie. Read and re read the Christmas story found here. Have some hot cocoa. Bake some more. Enjoy family. And love.

Scrooge NO MORE!!

If things are rough for your family....might I encourage you to think about the things you can be thankful for!!

*I didn't publish this last night. It was late and I wanted to read with fresh eyes. But also report I am listening to Christmas music on pandora while doing laundry = awesome!!

love/hate

I haven't been wanting to blog. I really don't. I know I should, but then there would be evidence of my faithless, whimpering, woe is me attitude......and well, I'd hate to have proof of that. I told a friend recently that I don't want to blog right now because I'm not sure I should be sharing my thoughts. I usually try to have a smile on my face and choose to see the glass half full....but lets be honest here. My life sucks right now. I love my kids, my honey makes me laugh (and scream), I have a supportive family, and an amazing God . I really don't know what I'd do without them. I know that is cliche, but its real. I don't feel like me. If I filter my thoughts, it won't be real, and again....its the journey. If you know me, you know I try to be me. My journey right now is knowing that there is a God, who is my savior, who wants the best for me, but knowing it and feeling it is two completely different things. I don't feel that right now. I keep trying to look at proof of His love for me. Of course when I type this I feel silly, because proof is all around me.

I am not good company, and don't feel like I can carry on a conversation. If you are feeling neglected from me right now, this is why. Sorry. The worst part of this is my heart breaks for my kids. You can mess with the mama, but don't mess with mama's kids. My heart hurts for them. I wish I could change it. I never thought that at this stage in my life, we would be back at ground zero. Starting over. I wanna run, but I can't. So here I am....going through life's roller coaster.....I often tell myself there are people who have it worse off than me, but that doesn't change our crazy, hard reality. Have you ever tried to be grateful for something you don't want? Something you hate? It feels fake. It is fake.

Then there are the people who are constantly judging. I know I shouldn't care, but at this point I do. I don't like that I do. I wish I didn't. One thing I am working on is not judging someone, unless I have been in there exact shoes. People say I'd do this,or I'd do that....you don't really know, unless you've been in the other persons shoes. Like the ones they are currently wearing, chances are you and I haven't. *deep breath* I never thought my life would take these turns. But here I am. Living it. Trying to remain faithful. And I cannot wait for the moment where I am embarrassed by this post.

Just checking in!!

You just have to know how happy/mad I am that I shared my weightloss goal here.  I am happy because maybe for once I will stick with it....because I have to. Because FAR to many people know. Then of course, I am mad for the same exact reason.

Progress...
First week (all over it)
lost 2 lbs.
doing my exercises everyday
logging food
motivated

Second week (not feeling it)
weight is the same so far, but only a half a week into it
spent the first 3 days NOT exercising consistently and if I did, didn't log
didn't log food consistently
not motivated....until today that is

But this is typical. Typical of me.

Today got all three of my big girls together and did some strength training.

I feel good. I have a goal. I HAVE to stick with it.

Planning my meals. It is so much easier to succeed if you plan ahead.

Until the next update....

Oh and just for a little laugh...I was totally drinking iced coffee while doing my exercises. I am from the Seattle area people....that's how we roll!!

If I would've been told

That at times I'd want a return policy for these lil ragamuffins {ok, not permanent, just for a day...}

That I'd want a glass of wine even though I hate the taste of it!!

That I'd also like some cheese with that WHINE.

That sometimes its hard to put your big girl panties on.

That seriously, sometimes things just don't make sense.

That far too often, I'd like to just quit.

Kids get more expensive as they get older.....they REALLY do people!!

That food disappears faster than it comes into the house.

The garden hose won't entertain forever!!

Those cute lil baby toes turn into big stinky monsters!!

Just as soon as you think you've 'gotten there' you may have to take a few steps backwards.

That in life to grow, you have to get out of your comfort zone!

It wouldn't have made a difference....I'd do it all again.

Oh, and by the way....I am pretty sure most of these things I have been told.

Putting this part of MY journey out there....

SO here it is. I knew when I started this blog that I would include this at some point. I wasn't sure when, but knew I had to do this too. I've kinda wanted to do this forever....but not bad enough. I mean, bad enough....but wasn't willing to put the work in. Well I am now. And I'm putting it out there. Which is tough for me....but I also need accountability. 


So why now?? Well, I'm not fully sure. I am sure I will be able to write more over the next year and I am certain there will be many different levels of crud to walk through....it should be fun, right!! But to answer the question as to why now. A few different reasons. First, we were house sitting for our friends for 2 weeks and I literally lost 7lbs from just walking around their house. Then I got extremely sick and lost 4lbs, so 11 total. I just couldn't not do something. I had to continue losing. So now I am more determined than ever. I have 112 more to go....yep 112!! The other reason is I  am gonna be on a webcast here tomorrow night at 6pm PST and again at 8pm PST and although I am completely excited about it.....I'm also afraid and self-conscious and kinda feel weird about people really seeing ME. Then there the 'typical' reasons like I don't wanna be fat anymore. Or I don't want my kids to have a fat mom, or hubby to have a fat wife. I wanna look good and I wanna be healthy. Tired of not shopping for myself. Tired of being the big girl {I was NEVER the big girl until I was an adult} I want to recognize ME when I look at myself in the mirror. I'd also LOVE to share clothes w/ my daughters, mom and sisters.....of course there are many other reasons and these at the moment might sound superficial but its my truth. I do want to be healthy, but surprisingly I am rather healthy at the moment. I don't have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. I was in the ER a few months back for some unexpected pain and all my blood work came back normal and good. But I do have diabetes, heart issues, cancer and digestive issues in my extended family. So, health is on my list....its just not my FIRST reason.  



THE PLAN


I have my goals written down....{never did that before} and I have an end date. I so hope I am able to stay on track. I am concerned about how I will react if not, but again....its about the journey. I also have {awesome} rewards set up for myself at certain intervals.I know the foods I am able to eat {which is also awesome because its regular food that I'd normally eat} and I know the exercises I need/want to do. 


I am excited. I am determined. I am nervous. I have a support system. I know what I need to do and am willing to do it. 

These pictures were taken in January 2011 {probably around the 1st...New Years, ya know} by my oldest daughter as 'before' pictures. I am pretty sure I maybe walked, if that. You know, one of the many attempts that an overweight person makes at finally doing something about it. I actually took them for my blog, to put myself out there, for accountability......

I don't weigh much different now. If anything I *might* be 5lbs less. But I think these are a great BEFORE pictures and I cannot WEIGHT to be able to post my after pictures in a little over a year!! 

STOP PRESS: I CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST PUT FULL BODY PICTURES ON THE INTERNET.

Oh my!!

Off to go drink some more water........

Avery

You've had my heart since the moment I found out you were growing inside of me. I loved everything about you. I still do, except that you have begun to be a bit of an annoying tween.....I SOOOO thought you'd skip that stage. I don't know why? Could it be because you've been such an awesome, easy, fun kid!!  As soon as you were born you were determined to soak up everything. A lover of life and all things nature, you are. Curiosity is your middle name. You lay low, but are super funny. You often surprise us with your sense of humor.

Things come so easily for you, but I love to see your drive and how hard you work.

I have met very few people that are authentically them at such a young age, but you are. You are not out for show and refuse to be who others want or think you ought to be. I admire you for so many reasons, these to name a few. I am blessed to be able to call you son. And I am looking forward to watching you grow into a young man.