Saturday, April 30, 2011


turned 9 a week ago.

Now this is the one I really can't believe. Because seriously, she was just born....and my honey just brought up all the big kids to see their baby sister in the hospital, right??

I remember that day....Nani was is the room, she was only 6. She touched the hearts of the doctors and nurses with her sweetheartedness {yes i made that up, it fits!!} She repeated over and over again {right after Lani was born}....Mommy, that's our baby? We love our baby, mommy. I love my baby sister, mommy. Don't we love our baby, mommy. It was the sweetest thing ever!!

But that wasn't yesterday. It was 9 years ago. 

Lani was our baby for 6 years before we had more babies....and I can't help but think how weird our family would be without any lil ones here. 

But Lanilulu is 9 and as weird as that seems....I have truly enjoyed being her mama. I mean after you have a few kids you kinda relax a lil bit...because everything isn't going to be perfect, and you know that. I remember wanting to enjoy every moment of her life, because my oldest baby was 6 and by that time I knew time flew by way to fast. I purposed to enjoy her birth, even making it longer according to some!! I vowed to nurse her a year, and enjoy it, because their is no point in complaining, and I wasn't in a rush to 'have MY body back' But she weaned at 6 months, talk about devastating mama. Once she had a bottle, she slowly weaned herself...sad mama!

Lani has been a pure joy. I seriously cannot imagine life without her.

She's funny. Strong. Sensitive. She has a great laugh. She's able to role with the punches. She has such a unique position in this family....she's gotten to be baby, lil sister, and now big sister.

People were so concerned about Lani losing her spot as baby in the family, since she had it for SO long. But just the other night she was in tucking her lil brother and lil sister into bed. She was patient, tender, and firm. She read to them, sang to them and talked with them. At that very moment {even though there had been these 'moments' where I thought this before} I thought, this has been one of the best gifts for her. And how awesome she has taken to her role. At times, when others are frustrated with the twins, she steps up.....and doesn't usually complain. 

She's friendly, makes friends where ever she goes. Loves fashion and has a fashion sense all her own. This girl can make anything look good! Loves to watch tv.....for hours on end {yeah, were working on that ;)} and loves to watch her favorite songs on youtube, reading and memorizing the lyrics!!

And if I could just say one more thing about her....I absolutely love that her favorite songs right now are christian songs, and when she hears them on the radio, we gotta blast 'em.....because that's how we roll.

Friday, April 29, 2011

just kinda mad at me

today i failed

i was supposed to be at Lani's school for special persons day

for lunch

i was gonna bring her subway

and eat with her

the thing is

i forgot

and i didn't really wanna go

which she knew {because kids aren't dumb and i dont act well}

but i was gonna pull up my boot straps {tie my nikes,really}

load up the twins

and go

even though they would've stressed me out to pieces

i forgot

and its worse because she knew i didn't wanna go

thinking about seeing her face, because i KNOW she cried, makes me so mad at me

or her feeling let down.....BY HER MAMA

deeep breath

thank God kids are resilient

and i'll try to make it up to her

but it won't take that moment away

so im gonna be mad at me for a second

and love on her when i pick her up

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Its Wednesday

and I'm really needing to list all the things I'm grateful for.....
Wordless Wednesday isn't going to work for me, not this Wednesday

squishy toddlers cheeks to kiss
how Aiden rubs my face oh so gently
my late night shopping trip w/ Lani last night
a comfy pillow
books.....even if time to read is unavail, I like knowing they're there
big train chai
healthy toddlers who destroy my house in 2.3 seconds
kid activities, even if I'm drained
a vehicle to get me to those places, even if gas is $4/gallon
jammie pants
a husband that can take over when I'm just done
a God who's mercy I cannot fathom, but I'm ever so grateful for it
crafts=cheap therapy
another kid hitting puberty
the lungs on this girl....she's gotta be a singer, right?
extended family
anticipation of summer
brothers and sisters in Christ
evening walks
a mama's instinct
sand buckets
His love
melissa&doug toys

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Life, recap'd

So that last post was a doozy, ay? Yeah, it sure was a doozy to write and LIVE. I think back on that day and am glad it is over. I am so incredibly thankful for the love and support from friends, near and far. For encouraging words. For your prayers. They were felt. That was one of the hardest days of my life, I'm so not kidding.

I read this on Above Rubies' status update {facebook} on Friday. I could easily think it was written just for me...
'Are you struggling with children that are not making "great" choices? A wise friend reminded me that we, as mothers, have a function to complete. We complete it to the best of our abilities. She said that Billy Graham's son, Franklin, was the most rebellious in the family, and he is now running that full time ministry! Time to let go of fear and guilt, do our best, and let our great God do the rest! Love Michelle'
As you can imagine that spoke to me.

*deep breath*

Great weekend, huh? Isn't it always a great time to get together with family, go to church and just be joyous. My sister wrote on facebook, it should be like this 365/yr and its true, it should. But life gets crazy sometimes. We have deadlines, commitments, work, chores, relationships to maintain....

How nice was it to come together at church and just worship our Lord, the Resurrected Savior!!! To reflect on that gift and what it truly means. 

Our weekend was so busy. Oh em gee. Saturday was off the charts, busy. *deep breath* It started with a baseball jamboree. The boys haven't played for a couple years, and they just loved it. There is just something about baseball. The last year they played, AJ was extremely bored. He was so annoyed with playing the outfield and never getting any action. Well, this time AJ had a few great plays and Scooter (Av) hit a double. It was a nice swing!!

Lani turned 9 on Saturday, too!! We had such a great time with family and friends. It was small, as small as it could be with my family. Hubby grilled up some amazingly scrumpcious food. It was all about Lani, she got some cute gifts and had a good time. We did a candy hunt....bc the twinadoes ruined half of our eggs....and it was fun to sprinkle candy in the long grass around the trees, bushes and an old tree stump! I got a picture {on my phone} of 5 kiddos 3 and under sitting on my porch with suckers in their mouth....precious. The boys outside playing HORSE with both Gpa's, uncle and dad. The lil ones wanting to be outside...SO bad!! They were most of the time. Football in the front yard. Fun. Great conversation. 

I was able to find matching outfits for the kids for pictures though, as I have lost my battery charger....sad, sad, sad. Believe me, they will be wearing it again for family pictures!! {so you will see them} And I may have to buy a new charger. Like tomorrow. 

As busy as Saturday was, I will forever have it etched in my memory. It was a great day. A great day to have a birthday. A great day to have a bbq. A great day to have family over.


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Ton of Bricks

You ever feel like you've been hit by a mac truck? Ton of bricks?
Or a cement, {yesterday} I ran smack dead into one.

The thing caught me by massive surprise. Huge surprise. Shock, really. Why am I surprised? I shouldn't be. How dare I begin to get too proud. To think *I* would never have to deal with that. Ever. Honestly, I shouldn't be surprised. Satan, with all his craftiness needed to start working overtime. He {and I don't even want to capitalize that word, but since its the beginning of the sentence, fine.} began to see that he didn't have precedence over the heart of this child. He didn't/doesn't reign here. Oh and believe me he still doesn't....but in his scheming ways, trying to take whats not his, was slick. Funny how that's surprising, right? Who am I to think that we are above dealing with any situation? He started to see how close this child was becoming to their Heavenly Father, how they were making great strides in their own walk with Him, knowing who they are in the Lord, and it made him down right boil, fester really.

And this child was deceived and stumbled.

I think I could've lived my whole life with skipping yesterday. Seriously, one of the hardest {parenting} days of my life.
Anger. I was/am angry at myself for not seeing it coming. Angry at how ugly the world has gotten. Angry that my children are in a public school system that indoctrinates them 6+hrs out of the day w/ the enemies agendas. Angry at what Christians have allowed this country to become, how we've just given Satan an open door. Angry at myself for not being a perfect mom {I know its ridiculous, but I'm sure its normal} Angry at culture/Media do I even need to say why?
Heart wrenching sadness

Just a few of the emotions that went through me....and I couldn't quit. I wanted to quit so bad, to be done with the day, wake up and the nightmare be over. I just needed to get into bed, wrapped in my down comforter and be comforted by the Heavenly Father. I had to keep going. I had school conferences to do. Kids to pick up. {I literally drove 30 miles yesterday in a 3 mile radius}Awana to go to. Grand Prix cars to finish. And all I wanted to do was run far far away....or home.

Panic struck me. 'They' don't realize the ramifications. This is serious. There's no way this happened. This is so far deeper than this person is even able to comprehend. The levels of who it will effect....because our actions always effect others, is more than they even understand right now.

HE did get me through yesterday. So grateful. I, in between times of self-pity, kept His scriptures playing (and replaying) in my mind. And if they stopped, I'd pull out my phone and look up more.

Psalm 31:24
Psalm 138:7
Matt 11:28
Isaiah 40:29-31
Philipians 4:13

His words were a comfort to me.
This song came on at just the right time. Although, I'm sure the car next to me at the stoplight was very concerned for me {I didn't have the guts to look....that would've been weird and uncomfortable.}

Luckily, for this child His mercies are renewed every morning. {not that there won't be consequences}
And although I still don't want to deal with this situation, or talk about it, or be judged.....I know He will work it together for good. I know this ugliness will be used for His glory {why couldn't it be something else??}

Why am I even blogging this? I don't even know. I can't sleep. I was awaken by lil man, and my heart is still broken .  And I started this blog to document our journey....HA! How authentic would that be to only write about all the great foofoo stuff? Life is real. Its hard. And I need to write. 

Life has to go on for us. It doesn't stop. I have other children to parent. I still have to get kids off to school. I have to smile. I have to keep going {or swimming, as Dory says in Nemo} and I can't give into self-pity....because its more about this person, not me. And I wish I would've gotten that one book at Acquire the Fire.

Obviously I used 'vagueness' as not to shame this child. Please respect us and not ask details {even family.} Not kidding. Just pray for this child, as this will likely follow them for years to come.

As I'm pressing the publish button, How Great Thou Art is on the radio. Just thought that was an awesome piece of info.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

at this very moment

there is popcorn on the floor
dinner is not done
i've just gotten home from evening kid pick up
antwone has ran out to get some christian crack aka caffiene
boys are scurrying around to get baseball stuff together
ariana is playing fast pitch, first home game i've missed
alaina is doing hw and finding jammies to wear for pj night @ awanas
avery left his glove @ my parents, he found a backup
washer machine is going
10 dishes in the sink- i counted
recycling that needs to be taken out
2 toddlers with chocolate faces
i've been told of a 4th grader cutting herself @ school-such a sad, hurting world
antwone is back, taking boys to practice
im here w/ the chocolate toddlers, a almost 9yo, and
a teen who is getting her track stuff together for tomorrow
we're about to leave to pick up ariana
and go to awanas
who needs to eat dinner anyways

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ocean Shores, WA

My little sister, best friend turned sister in law, and mama went to Ocean Shores a while back. I haven't posted any pictures of our weekend, so I thought I would here. Before I do, I thought I'd share something about our rumored weather.

The truth about Seattle, Wa weather, is, well, its not great! BUT, it isn't as bad as some may think or hear. No, its not a tropical destination. We get all four seasons. Our winters don't provide feet of snow and our summers don't provide many days in the ninetyplus degrees, a hundred degrees isn't heard of. It rains alot, and most complain about it. But did you know that Seattle isn't even on the top ten list of rainiest cities?? Mobile, Alabama registers five feet of rain annually and PacNW doesn't even enter the list until 24, that being Olympia, according to this. Florida has 4 cities on the list. crazy.
Head over to Eastern WA, over the Cascade Mountains and its an entirely different climate. Very dry and very warm summers.
And there are areas here that get alot of snow as well.
Washington is gorgeous. We have mountains, oceans, rivers, lakes, islands, bay waters, wildlife, green everywhere.....beautiful autumns with leaves of all colors and spring is just as gorgeous with birds chirping and blossoms blooming everywhere.....
that being said, I'll share pictures of our girls weekend!!

The deer are everywhere, like cats a native said.


Mama and baby girl

By far, my most favorite sign EVER!!

Love these cute lil shops!!
This is just some of the pictures taken on our girls weekend!!