Thursday, December 8, 2011

Scrooge NO more

It has been beyond hard for me to get in the Christmas Spirit this year. I actually haven't even tried. We baked with all the girls in the family {yeah, those cookies are already gone.} The boys went on their annual tree farm adventure. We actually had an amazing time with family that we are truly thankful for. We have a tree in our living room, in our other {newly remodeled, beautiful apartment that we are gonna move into asap} apartment down the hall. In a big ice cream bucket of water, leaning against the wall. All of our ornaments, stockings, and anything Christmas is an hour away drive. So here I am. Refusing to turn on Christmas music. How can you get in the spirit if you do not have anything Christmas-y? I mean lets be honest here, I don't have anything. Monetary or material, that is. We are still unemployed. We are living by the grace of God. We don't receive unemployment, we don't receive cash assistance. All we have is given to us, at this time. We do have a storage unit full of all our beloved material possessions, but is an hour away.

Why am I sharing this? Not for anyone to feel sorry for us. Not for people to judge us. But for the ones who are in this boat. The ones, who feel like they don't have anything to celebrate, or be thankful for. The one who needs to know they are not alone. For the one who feels like they can't do this yet another year. 

Tonight I took Av to wrestling practice and the twins came along for the ride. They were SO into the Christmas lights on this drive, it was so fun. I couldn't stop smiling. And it was so awesome to see Av seeing it from their eyes. He wanted me to go down a street, FOR THEM, and I did. I didn't say, maybe next time. And I was happy to go down that street, it was a good one!! I turned on the CHRISTmas music. It was a sensational little outing. And I now have the Spirit. 

There are things to celebrate. Whether they have to do with Christmas or not. But while I am talking about Christmas, there is definitely something to celebrate. Our Savior's BIRTH!!

For me, I can celebrate that we will be moving in our remodeled apartment soon {saturday.} Which means we may be going to get some of our stuff from storage {saturday.} We are so thankful.

I can celebrate the heart of my daughters, who have a heat for others. Mia came home the other day, and gives me a paper with a list of a family who is in need. She said, "Mom, I know we are in need, but this family is worse off than us. I signed us up to get this little boy something. It can be little, I am sharing him with my friend AND the stuff can be used." When Ari found out, she immediately chastised Mia, because we can't do anything for others.....JUST to tell me w/in minutes, I mean seriously with in minutes, that she signed up to make a cake for a cake walk, at the FOOD BOWL to help raise money and food for those in need. The cake was made, we got the little guy a lil something. And I know that God will bless my daughters for their willingness to give. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about how awesome they are.

I can be grateful for our health.

I can celebrate that Jesus is the reason for the season, and although I want to give my kids presents, the best thing I can give them is HIM.

I can celebrate and be thankful for so many things....if I choose to.

So what am I gonna do with the new found CHRISTmas spirit? I am gonna make snowflakes with the kiddos and cinnamon ornaments. We are gonna pray for that family. We are gonna put on Christmas music. Watch a Christmas movie. Read and re read the Christmas story found here. Have some hot cocoa. Bake some more. Enjoy family. And love.

Scrooge NO MORE!!

If things are rough for your family....might I encourage you to think about the things you can be thankful for!!

*I didn't publish this last night. It was late and I wanted to read with fresh eyes. But also report I am listening to Christmas music on pandora while doing laundry = awesome!!

Saturday, August 13, 2011


I haven't been wanting to blog. I really don't. I know I should, but then there would be evidence of my faithless, whimpering, woe is me attitude......and well, I'd hate to have proof of that. I told a friend recently that I don't want to blog right now because I'm not sure I should be sharing my thoughts. I usually try to have a smile on my face and choose to see the glass half full....but lets be honest here. My life sucks right now. I love my kids, my honey makes me laugh (and scream), I have a supportive family, and an amazing God . I really don't know what I'd do without them. I know that is cliche, but its real. I don't feel like me. If I filter my thoughts, it won't be real, and again....its the journey. If you know me, you know I try to be me. My journey right now is knowing that there is a God, who is my savior, who wants the best for me, but knowing it and feeling it is two completely different things. I don't feel that right now. I keep trying to look at proof of His love for me. Of course when I type this I feel silly, because proof is all around me.

I am not good company, and don't feel like I can carry on a conversation. If you are feeling neglected from me right now, this is why. Sorry. The worst part of this is my heart breaks for my kids. You can mess with the mama, but don't mess with mama's kids. My heart hurts for them. I wish I could change it. I never thought that at this stage in my life, we would be back at ground zero. Starting over. I wanna run, but I can't. So here I am....going through life's roller coaster.....I often tell myself there are people who have it worse off than me, but that doesn't change our crazy, hard reality. Have you ever tried to be grateful for something you don't want? Something you hate? It feels fake. It is fake.

Then there are the people who are constantly judging. I know I shouldn't care, but at this point I do. I don't like that I do. I wish I didn't. One thing I am working on is not judging someone, unless I have been in there exact shoes. People say I'd do this,or I'd do don't really know, unless you've been in the other persons shoes. Like the ones they are currently wearing, chances are you and I haven't. *deep breath* I never thought my life would take these turns. But here I am. Living it. Trying to remain faithful. And I cannot wait for the moment where I am embarrassed by this post.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Just checking in!!

You just have to know how happy/mad I am that I shared my weightloss goal here.  I am happy because maybe for once I will stick with it....because I have to. Because FAR to many people know. Then of course, I am mad for the same exact reason.

First week (all over it)
lost 2 lbs.
doing my exercises everyday
logging food

Second week (not feeling it)
weight is the same so far, but only a half a week into it
spent the first 3 days NOT exercising consistently and if I did, didn't log
didn't log food consistently
not motivated....until today that is

But this is typical. Typical of me.

Today got all three of my big girls together and did some strength training.

I feel good. I have a goal. I HAVE to stick with it.

Planning my meals. It is so much easier to succeed if you plan ahead.

Until the next update....

Oh and just for a little laugh...I was totally drinking iced coffee while doing my exercises. I am from the Seattle area people....that's how we roll!!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

If I would've been told

That at times I'd want a return policy for these lil ragamuffins {ok, not permanent, just for a day...}

That I'd want a glass of wine even though I hate the taste of it!!

That I'd also like some cheese with that WHINE.

That sometimes its hard to put your big girl panties on.

That seriously, sometimes things just don't make sense.

That far too often, I'd like to just quit.

Kids get more expensive as they get older.....they REALLY do people!!

That food disappears faster than it comes into the house.

The garden hose won't entertain forever!!

Those cute lil baby toes turn into big stinky monsters!!

Just as soon as you think you've 'gotten there' you may have to take a few steps backwards.

That in life to grow, you have to get out of your comfort zone!

It wouldn't have made a difference....I'd do it all again.

Oh, and by the way....I am pretty sure most of these things I have been told.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Putting this part of MY journey out there....

SO here it is. I knew when I started this blog that I would include this at some point. I wasn't sure when, but knew I had to do this too. I've kinda wanted to do this forever....but not bad enough. I mean, bad enough....but wasn't willing to put the work in. Well I am now. And I'm putting it out there. Which is tough for me....but I also need accountability. 

So why now?? Well, I'm not fully sure. I am sure I will be able to write more over the next year and I am certain there will be many different levels of crud to walk should be fun, right!! But to answer the question as to why now. A few different reasons. First, we were house sitting for our friends for 2 weeks and I literally lost 7lbs from just walking around their house. Then I got extremely sick and lost 4lbs, so 11 total. I just couldn't not do something. I had to continue losing. So now I am more determined than ever. I have 112 more to go....yep 112!! The other reason is I  am gonna be on a webcast here tomorrow night at 6pm PST and again at 8pm PST and although I am completely excited about it.....I'm also afraid and self-conscious and kinda feel weird about people really seeing ME. Then there the 'typical' reasons like I don't wanna be fat anymore. Or I don't want my kids to have a fat mom, or hubby to have a fat wife. I wanna look good and I wanna be healthy. Tired of not shopping for myself. Tired of being the big girl {I was NEVER the big girl until I was an adult} I want to recognize ME when I look at myself in the mirror. I'd also LOVE to share clothes w/ my daughters, mom and sisters.....of course there are many other reasons and these at the moment might sound superficial but its my truth. I do want to be healthy, but surprisingly I am rather healthy at the moment. I don't have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. I was in the ER a few months back for some unexpected pain and all my blood work came back normal and good. But I do have diabetes, heart issues, cancer and digestive issues in my extended family. So, health is on my list....its just not my FIRST reason.  


I have my goals written down....{never did that before} and I have an end date. I so hope I am able to stay on track. I am concerned about how I will react if not, but again....its about the journey. I also have {awesome} rewards set up for myself at certain intervals.I know the foods I am able to eat {which is also awesome because its regular food that I'd normally eat} and I know the exercises I need/want to do. 

I am excited. I am determined. I am nervous. I have a support system. I know what I need to do and am willing to do it. 

These pictures were taken in January 2011 {probably around the 1st...New Years, ya know} by my oldest daughter as 'before' pictures. I am pretty sure I maybe walked, if that. You know, one of the many attempts that an overweight person makes at finally doing something about it. I actually took them for my blog, to put myself out there, for accountability......
I don't weigh much different now. If anything I *might* be 5lbs less. But I think these are a great BEFORE pictures and I cannot WEIGHT to be able to post my after pictures in a little over a year!! 


Oh my!!

Off to go drink some more water........

Saturday, July 16, 2011


You've had my heart since the moment I found out you were growing inside of me. I loved everything about you. I still do, except that you have begun to be a bit of an annoying tween.....I SOOOO thought you'd skip that stage. I don't know why? Could it be because you've been such an awesome, easy, fun kid!!  As soon as you were born you were determined to soak up everything. A lover of life and all things nature, you are. Curiosity is your middle name. You lay low, but are super funny. You often surprise us with your sense of humor.

Things come so easily for you, but I love to see your drive and how hard you work.

I have met very few people that are authentically them at such a young age, but you are. You are not out for show and refuse to be who others want or think you ought to be. I admire you for so many reasons, these to name a few. I am blessed to be able to call you son. And I am looking forward to watching you grow into a young man.

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Greatest Sound EVER!!

Parents were picking up their kids. VBS Workers were scurrying around cleaning and prepping for the following day. And then all of the sudden, I hear a guitar....and a bunch of {mostly} teens singing Praise Music. You can't help but start singing along. I was back in my room singing with them, but I had to be present, it was like a magnet. So I took my cardstock and scissors, ran {shhh, don't tell anyone I was running with scissors} into the foyer and was a singing and a dancing {sorry Baptists-lighten up already ;)} and praising my Jesus along with everyone else who, like me had to head on over and join in. It was a beautiful sound. I thought to myself....'I know God is pleased with this sound and how great it is to be able to Praise Him spontaneously.' It was short, but it was sweet. Then of course its back to work----cutting the cardstock.


My new hobby!!

So much fun!!! Now if I can find the time to do it ALL. DAY. LONG.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Don't wanna forget!!

Life gets crazy.
It gets busy.
Days mesh together.
Before long I forget.
I forget things I want to remember.
I didn't write as much as I wanted when the kids were little.

So here are things I don't wanna forget from today, well yesterday now....actually two days ago now, as I didn't publish this yesterday ;)

The twins playing in their room so nice together.
Their conversation.
Aiden laying down on Ava's monkey pillow- they were imaginary it!

Aiden getting into my sisters car for a playdate.
He was so excited and so cute leaving.
He hasn't done that much.
And the twins haven't been apart much.
But what I really wanna remember is Aiden having toys piled up in his lap, and stretching his head up life a giraffe to see us over the toys. It was so cute. He just had to say bye.

My oldest has been boy crazy since she was 4. Seriously. I thought that was bad.
Well of course Ava had to beat that and declare that a teenage boy she saw walking down the road, cute. She said, "That boy cute."
I'm afraid.

My husband and my oldest son outside working in the yard together. I don't wanna lose that picture. He has been teaching the boys how to work equipment. I loved watching AJ watch him, when he was fixing equipment. It reminded me of him going behind Antwone with his fisher-price bubble lawn mower when he was a toddler.

Ari taking Aiden on endless walks around the neighborhood, and Lani joining them.

Amia making calls to stores. I loved hearing her doing what she's heard me do. You know how your 'phone' voice changes. It was cute!

There are the things I don't wanna forget that happened on 5-24-11

Saturday, May 21, 2011


Give me some water and soap!!!

Now before you gasp and call child services, I DO have them in my home, right now as I type and I've just used them.
But that is a rare occasion. 

Now back in the day, when it was just the 5 kiddos, and they were little I went through band-aids like I went through diapers.....

Every time a kid got hurt, they all needed a band-aid....all 5.

And if I tried to explain to the others, that in fact so and so was the one who just got hurt and you've been fine without one, or don't have an ouwee....they'd find one! Even if it was a millimeter.....a speck you could only see with a magnifying glass!

So, I stopped buying them, and ya know what- they lived. 

But you should see how other kids that visit my house react when they find out I don't have band-aids, when they get a booboo. Can we say *MELTDOWN* you know the kinda melt down where the child thinks its pretty much the end. Well, if you think they're bad....encounter their parents. You know the parents I'm talking about.....they either only have one child, or are germaphobes.....neither of those can I say I am.
And they gasp, and can't believe with 7 children I don't have band-aids. 

Fast-forward 5ish year later {from the last time I probably bought band-aids} and I start couponing. I find great deals on band-aids...and figure I have twoddlers, I might wanna give them another try. So I buy them, for pennies btw.

Thursday {5-19} Ava takes a fall on the sidewalk. I act like a total veteran mom {that I am}, and don't overreact, just watching, waiting for a reaction. She gets up, walks over to me, I'm not far at all, and by now I'm asking if she's fine. I pick her up, and suddenly I'm abducted by aliens. I had no control. I turned into a germaphobe, first time, overreacting mom....rush her into the bathroom to wash of her scraped knee, apply peroxide...blow on it, add neosporin and then a band-aid. Now the saddest part of the story is it was barely bleeding. The skin was barely cut. She watched, in amazement to the steps taken, as she's never experienced this before. She took it all in, every step. Because she's observant. But guess who else was watching. Yep, you named it. Aiden. And guess who else needed a band-aid. Uh huh, Aiden. Can you guess the first thing I said???
Aiden, sissy got hurt. You don't need a band-aid, you don't have any ouwees.
Now of course he started inspecting his entire body, and sure enough he found a little scab on his ankle that was the size of a kernal of corn, maybe smaller, that was already healing on its own. So the good mother that I am, puts some neosporin on a new band-aid and puts it on his almost completely healed ouwee. 

Fast forward 2 minutes, we go into my room to change diapers and guess who needs to take the band-aids, that I so meticulously applied to their ouwees off??


Yep, both of them. 

Warning to all the germaphobe, overreacting mama's out there......if you come to my house you might wanna


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Oh Blogger

How I have missed thou.


It all started when I had to go and start selling, hello NO extra TIME!!

Then blogger had to go and be down and everything.

I would like to take this time to apologize to anyone who was inconvenienced while blogger was down. I have decided it was  my fault. Solely. Yep, I'm taking full responsibility for it. See, I was gonna blog about stuff....which I  mostly can't even remember right at this moment {Thank you Lord} BUT, it was crap. Whiny crap at that. I think, because I really can't fully remember. And if you know me, me NOT remembering doesn't surprise you!!

So there, I apologize for blogger being down.

Speaking of apologizing....oops, whole nutha blog post!! {sorry, that was just wrong, right?? *insert evil snicker*}

And ever since blogger was down, I've wanted to blog, But I've been busy making these bows, and of course all the other stuff I normally do, and if I listed that, you'd probably fall asleep. But just know its acrazylot!! I've thought about blogging So I hope I don't spend as much time gone, as I have the last couple weeks. I have things to write about and things to share!!


Saturday, May 7, 2011

May Day

Our first May Day where we actually dropped off flowers
on a porch 
of a neighbor
rang the door bell
and ran

or ran and fell

or walked....
but it was fun!!

Saturday, April 30, 2011


turned 9 a week ago.

Now this is the one I really can't believe. Because seriously, she was just born....and my honey just brought up all the big kids to see their baby sister in the hospital, right??

I remember that day....Nani was is the room, she was only 6. She touched the hearts of the doctors and nurses with her sweetheartedness {yes i made that up, it fits!!} She repeated over and over again {right after Lani was born}....Mommy, that's our baby? We love our baby, mommy. I love my baby sister, mommy. Don't we love our baby, mommy. It was the sweetest thing ever!!

But that wasn't yesterday. It was 9 years ago. 

Lani was our baby for 6 years before we had more babies....and I can't help but think how weird our family would be without any lil ones here. 

But Lanilulu is 9 and as weird as that seems....I have truly enjoyed being her mama. I mean after you have a few kids you kinda relax a lil bit...because everything isn't going to be perfect, and you know that. I remember wanting to enjoy every moment of her life, because my oldest baby was 6 and by that time I knew time flew by way to fast. I purposed to enjoy her birth, even making it longer according to some!! I vowed to nurse her a year, and enjoy it, because their is no point in complaining, and I wasn't in a rush to 'have MY body back' But she weaned at 6 months, talk about devastating mama. Once she had a bottle, she slowly weaned herself...sad mama!

Lani has been a pure joy. I seriously cannot imagine life without her.

She's funny. Strong. Sensitive. She has a great laugh. She's able to role with the punches. She has such a unique position in this family....she's gotten to be baby, lil sister, and now big sister.

People were so concerned about Lani losing her spot as baby in the family, since she had it for SO long. But just the other night she was in tucking her lil brother and lil sister into bed. She was patient, tender, and firm. She read to them, sang to them and talked with them. At that very moment {even though there had been these 'moments' where I thought this before} I thought, this has been one of the best gifts for her. And how awesome she has taken to her role. At times, when others are frustrated with the twins, she steps up.....and doesn't usually complain. 

She's friendly, makes friends where ever she goes. Loves fashion and has a fashion sense all her own. This girl can make anything look good! Loves to watch tv.....for hours on end {yeah, were working on that ;)} and loves to watch her favorite songs on youtube, reading and memorizing the lyrics!!

And if I could just say one more thing about her....I absolutely love that her favorite songs right now are christian songs, and when she hears them on the radio, we gotta blast 'em.....because that's how we roll.

Friday, April 29, 2011

just kinda mad at me

today i failed

i was supposed to be at Lani's school for special persons day

for lunch

i was gonna bring her subway

and eat with her

the thing is

i forgot

and i didn't really wanna go

which she knew {because kids aren't dumb and i dont act well}

but i was gonna pull up my boot straps {tie my nikes,really}

load up the twins

and go

even though they would've stressed me out to pieces

i forgot

and its worse because she knew i didn't wanna go

thinking about seeing her face, because i KNOW she cried, makes me so mad at me

or her feeling let down.....BY HER MAMA

deeep breath

thank God kids are resilient

and i'll try to make it up to her

but it won't take that moment away

so im gonna be mad at me for a second

and love on her when i pick her up

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Its Wednesday

and I'm really needing to list all the things I'm grateful for.....
Wordless Wednesday isn't going to work for me, not this Wednesday

squishy toddlers cheeks to kiss
how Aiden rubs my face oh so gently
my late night shopping trip w/ Lani last night
a comfy pillow
books.....even if time to read is unavail, I like knowing they're there
big train chai
healthy toddlers who destroy my house in 2.3 seconds
kid activities, even if I'm drained
a vehicle to get me to those places, even if gas is $4/gallon
jammie pants
a husband that can take over when I'm just done
a God who's mercy I cannot fathom, but I'm ever so grateful for it
crafts=cheap therapy
another kid hitting puberty
the lungs on this girl....she's gotta be a singer, right?
extended family
anticipation of summer
brothers and sisters in Christ
evening walks
a mama's instinct
sand buckets
His love
melissa&doug toys

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Life, recap'd

So that last post was a doozy, ay? Yeah, it sure was a doozy to write and LIVE. I think back on that day and am glad it is over. I am so incredibly thankful for the love and support from friends, near and far. For encouraging words. For your prayers. They were felt. That was one of the hardest days of my life, I'm so not kidding.

I read this on Above Rubies' status update {facebook} on Friday. I could easily think it was written just for me...
'Are you struggling with children that are not making "great" choices? A wise friend reminded me that we, as mothers, have a function to complete. We complete it to the best of our abilities. She said that Billy Graham's son, Franklin, was the most rebellious in the family, and he is now running that full time ministry! Time to let go of fear and guilt, do our best, and let our great God do the rest! Love Michelle'
As you can imagine that spoke to me.

*deep breath*

Great weekend, huh? Isn't it always a great time to get together with family, go to church and just be joyous. My sister wrote on facebook, it should be like this 365/yr and its true, it should. But life gets crazy sometimes. We have deadlines, commitments, work, chores, relationships to maintain....

How nice was it to come together at church and just worship our Lord, the Resurrected Savior!!! To reflect on that gift and what it truly means. 

Our weekend was so busy. Oh em gee. Saturday was off the charts, busy. *deep breath* It started with a baseball jamboree. The boys haven't played for a couple years, and they just loved it. There is just something about baseball. The last year they played, AJ was extremely bored. He was so annoyed with playing the outfield and never getting any action. Well, this time AJ had a few great plays and Scooter (Av) hit a double. It was a nice swing!!

Lani turned 9 on Saturday, too!! We had such a great time with family and friends. It was small, as small as it could be with my family. Hubby grilled up some amazingly scrumpcious food. It was all about Lani, she got some cute gifts and had a good time. We did a candy hunt....bc the twinadoes ruined half of our eggs....and it was fun to sprinkle candy in the long grass around the trees, bushes and an old tree stump! I got a picture {on my phone} of 5 kiddos 3 and under sitting on my porch with suckers in their mouth....precious. The boys outside playing HORSE with both Gpa's, uncle and dad. The lil ones wanting to be outside...SO bad!! They were most of the time. Football in the front yard. Fun. Great conversation. 

I was able to find matching outfits for the kids for pictures though, as I have lost my battery charger....sad, sad, sad. Believe me, they will be wearing it again for family pictures!! {so you will see them} And I may have to buy a new charger. Like tomorrow. 

As busy as Saturday was, I will forever have it etched in my memory. It was a great day. A great day to have a birthday. A great day to have a bbq. A great day to have family over.


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Ton of Bricks

You ever feel like you've been hit by a mac truck? Ton of bricks?
Or a cement, {yesterday} I ran smack dead into one.

The thing caught me by massive surprise. Huge surprise. Shock, really. Why am I surprised? I shouldn't be. How dare I begin to get too proud. To think *I* would never have to deal with that. Ever. Honestly, I shouldn't be surprised. Satan, with all his craftiness needed to start working overtime. He {and I don't even want to capitalize that word, but since its the beginning of the sentence, fine.} began to see that he didn't have precedence over the heart of this child. He didn't/doesn't reign here. Oh and believe me he still doesn't....but in his scheming ways, trying to take whats not his, was slick. Funny how that's surprising, right? Who am I to think that we are above dealing with any situation? He started to see how close this child was becoming to their Heavenly Father, how they were making great strides in their own walk with Him, knowing who they are in the Lord, and it made him down right boil, fester really.

And this child was deceived and stumbled.

I think I could've lived my whole life with skipping yesterday. Seriously, one of the hardest {parenting} days of my life.
Anger. I was/am angry at myself for not seeing it coming. Angry at how ugly the world has gotten. Angry that my children are in a public school system that indoctrinates them 6+hrs out of the day w/ the enemies agendas. Angry at what Christians have allowed this country to become, how we've just given Satan an open door. Angry at myself for not being a perfect mom {I know its ridiculous, but I'm sure its normal} Angry at culture/Media do I even need to say why?
Heart wrenching sadness

Just a few of the emotions that went through me....and I couldn't quit. I wanted to quit so bad, to be done with the day, wake up and the nightmare be over. I just needed to get into bed, wrapped in my down comforter and be comforted by the Heavenly Father. I had to keep going. I had school conferences to do. Kids to pick up. {I literally drove 30 miles yesterday in a 3 mile radius}Awana to go to. Grand Prix cars to finish. And all I wanted to do was run far far away....or home.

Panic struck me. 'They' don't realize the ramifications. This is serious. There's no way this happened. This is so far deeper than this person is even able to comprehend. The levels of who it will effect....because our actions always effect others, is more than they even understand right now.

HE did get me through yesterday. So grateful. I, in between times of self-pity, kept His scriptures playing (and replaying) in my mind. And if they stopped, I'd pull out my phone and look up more.

Psalm 31:24
Psalm 138:7
Matt 11:28
Isaiah 40:29-31
Philipians 4:13

His words were a comfort to me.
This song came on at just the right time. Although, I'm sure the car next to me at the stoplight was very concerned for me {I didn't have the guts to look....that would've been weird and uncomfortable.}

Luckily, for this child His mercies are renewed every morning. {not that there won't be consequences}
And although I still don't want to deal with this situation, or talk about it, or be judged.....I know He will work it together for good. I know this ugliness will be used for His glory {why couldn't it be something else??}

Why am I even blogging this? I don't even know. I can't sleep. I was awaken by lil man, and my heart is still broken .  And I started this blog to document our journey....HA! How authentic would that be to only write about all the great foofoo stuff? Life is real. Its hard. And I need to write. 

Life has to go on for us. It doesn't stop. I have other children to parent. I still have to get kids off to school. I have to smile. I have to keep going {or swimming, as Dory says in Nemo} and I can't give into self-pity....because its more about this person, not me. And I wish I would've gotten that one book at Acquire the Fire.

Obviously I used 'vagueness' as not to shame this child. Please respect us and not ask details {even family.} Not kidding. Just pray for this child, as this will likely follow them for years to come.

As I'm pressing the publish button, How Great Thou Art is on the radio. Just thought that was an awesome piece of info.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

at this very moment

there is popcorn on the floor
dinner is not done
i've just gotten home from evening kid pick up
antwone has ran out to get some christian crack aka caffiene
boys are scurrying around to get baseball stuff together
ariana is playing fast pitch, first home game i've missed
alaina is doing hw and finding jammies to wear for pj night @ awanas
avery left his glove @ my parents, he found a backup
washer machine is going
10 dishes in the sink- i counted
recycling that needs to be taken out
2 toddlers with chocolate faces
i've been told of a 4th grader cutting herself @ school-such a sad, hurting world
antwone is back, taking boys to practice
im here w/ the chocolate toddlers, a almost 9yo, and
a teen who is getting her track stuff together for tomorrow
we're about to leave to pick up ariana
and go to awanas
who needs to eat dinner anyways

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ocean Shores, WA

My little sister, best friend turned sister in law, and mama went to Ocean Shores a while back. I haven't posted any pictures of our weekend, so I thought I would here. Before I do, I thought I'd share something about our rumored weather.

The truth about Seattle, Wa weather, is, well, its not great! BUT, it isn't as bad as some may think or hear. No, its not a tropical destination. We get all four seasons. Our winters don't provide feet of snow and our summers don't provide many days in the ninetyplus degrees, a hundred degrees isn't heard of. It rains alot, and most complain about it. But did you know that Seattle isn't even on the top ten list of rainiest cities?? Mobile, Alabama registers five feet of rain annually and PacNW doesn't even enter the list until 24, that being Olympia, according to this. Florida has 4 cities on the list. crazy.
Head over to Eastern WA, over the Cascade Mountains and its an entirely different climate. Very dry and very warm summers.
And there are areas here that get alot of snow as well.
Washington is gorgeous. We have mountains, oceans, rivers, lakes, islands, bay waters, wildlife, green everywhere.....beautiful autumns with leaves of all colors and spring is just as gorgeous with birds chirping and blossoms blooming everywhere.....
that being said, I'll share pictures of our girls weekend!!

The deer are everywhere, like cats a native said.


Mama and baby girl

By far, my most favorite sign EVER!!

Love these cute lil shops!!
This is just some of the pictures taken on our girls weekend!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

They are everywhere...

Downstairs in the tv area {the tv is blasting, but I KNOW he's asleep.}
Upstairs in their bedrooms.
TWO in my bed, and its NOT the two you'd assume.
Twins in their OWN beds, and went to sleep without screaming!!

There is something peaceful about the evening, when all the kids are in their respective places.
They are home and accounted for.
Isn't that just the most peaceful time for a parent?

My house is full, and they are everywhere.....
but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

back in the swing of things....

Today I got 'back in the swing of things' as my dear Nani said last night {love her}

it was an interesting day for sure
7+books read
lincoln logs
hopping, running, jumping outside
enjoying birds chirping
wind blowing
branches swaying
more puzzles
more books
wood magnet dolls
mozart on cd
naptime in the car

all the kids were at school today
the husband working

and today I had to get my groove back 
parenting the twins alone
like a regular stay at home mama


Saturday, March 19, 2011

my long-haired boy

Tomorrow I take my long-haired boy to get a haircut
he's 10 1/2 and has his hair long 3/4 of his life
thats him

last summer it was down below the middle of his back
longer than ALL three of his sisters
often called a young lady by strangers
well, usually sweet elderly....
and he doesn't correct them
he just lets them continue
{although he feels a tad uncomfortable}

this is clearly a boy---ponytail and all
he's always loved long hair
 to go against the 'norm'
he gets that from his mama {at least that's what I've heard}
but he's just him
no show
not seeking glory
just knows who he is
 I just had to include this
it was taken a year ago
he hates his picture taken
this is him telling the mamarazzi to stop
and then we took off 9-10 inches in the fall
and it was still loooooong
but him
I'm excited to see how it will turn out tomorrow
or i should say today
he's slightly nervous
it will be the first time his hair will be above his shoulders since the fall of 2006

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Standard Operating Procedures


I wish I could describe it to you......
but I don't even know if describing it would be 'enough'

Maybe I'm whining. Oh well. Believe me when I say I trust in the Lord. Oh I do.
I look back and see His sovereignty. I think 'He really knew what He was doing here'
I do have faith. I know my God will never leave me.....

See my life is just crazy. Seriously. And I'm not talking all the kids here. Everything else is nuts.

I always seem to encounter the craziest {rude} people, whether its at the kids' school or at Target.....even when I'm being super nice. I ALWAYS get the run around when making phone calls. I get told one thing on the phone, just to run across town and be told 'we don't do that.' I don't know why the many  other examples are fleeting my memory right now. But there are many. I usually try to find a silver lining! {And I have many successful trips out and about in our world----its not all horrible} I do wonder why, though. Let me tell ya, I've talked to God about this......

I tell ya one thing I DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT ask is 'What else could go wrong' I'm so terrified of that question, it kinda freaked me out typing it!!

Now your probably thinking.....'Um. Alisha, thats EVERYONE'S life.' Well, that may be.....BUT if I could list everything, you'd probably put me on your prayer list {which, I totally need, so go right ahead ;)}

And now I wonder why I even typed this. I've found in my life, because I'm so transparent, people judge me often.....SO DON'T!!! {He's still working on me, and none of us have arrived}

Today when I was leaving my parents house.....I was talking to my dad and I said "Dad, I'm tired of all this kind of crap that always happens" He assured me "its standard operating procedure"
Well, I don't know if that makes me feel any better......except to say that I do know, its life, my life. And He never gives me more than I can handle......
toooo bad He trusts me so much ;)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

fourteen no more

This last year has been a pleasurable parenting year.....weird right? I mean I am speaking of a teenager and all......
But it has. Nani has matured so much this year, for the most part it has been pleasing.
Now of course there has been tears over the year. There has been arguments. A few disagreements. But it has also been a year of understanding, a year of acceptance, a year of growth, and great maturing. Honestly, I was scared. I thought for sure we couldn't live under the same roof during 6th and 7th grade. I was sure we'd end each other once and for all. Ari has had a very hard time with accepting how 'strict' we are. I've told her for years she'll thank us eventually for using the word NO more than she would like to hear it. And actually that thanks has come sooner than I thought it would. 
Nani is a joy. To be around her is to love her. She knows who she is and who she isn't.
She is brave. She doesn't quit. She has a tender heart and loves the Lord.

Nani loves life. She just does....always has. Shes adventurous, but a homebody. She likes to hang out w/ friends, but loves to be w/ family. We are blessed to call her daughter and to have her in our world. I love that she giggles at herself, and does the silliest things.....she's quick to say, that's just me!!! Shes braver than I, in most instances {shhh, don't tell her} and is not afraid to try things. {like cliff jumping when she was 8......EIGHT!!!}

Watching Nani grow up has been an adventure, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
This has been a year of change and growth and I am excited about the years to follow....
{8th grade graduation}
But it is so true, they do grow up so fast. I mean fast. And the baby you brought home from the hospital turns into a teenager, overnight.

I would say that transitioning from parenting a younger child to a teen isn't the easiest thing in the world. Its been a learning process, for sure. But that's all a part of the beauty of the journey.

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And shes always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
that beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
YOU were made to fill a purpose that only YOU can do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
{part of the lyrics to 'More Beautiful You' by Jonny Diaz}

{First day of 9th grade}

{being mamarazzi as she's walking up to high school.....what?}

{again w/ the adventure *sigh*}

fourteen no more......